Head Cheese (Bruce) Banner

I also have some new Head Cheese ideas.  What do you think of these

Thinly disguised gay magazine denies it's a thinly disguised gay magazine

Onion article forced reader to look up word in dictionary (trepanning, etc.)

Interviewee claims to have made an unconscious decision

Shitty film stars future academy award winners (Virtuosity, etc)

Saturday Night TV Movie just another crap film everybody has already seen

Film better than book

Media plays down 60% of soldiers NOT killed by enemy troops

New - Disposable CDs

Naive Columnist - Elton John is totally gay! 

Naive Columnist - How could a guy not know he's someone's father?

Speculative statistics that shape our world: If.. would you... were it... that... might...?

Heavy rotation video disappears, never to be seen again

Bush casing out states to steal in 2004

Shopper Literally Shops Till She Drops

Ex-Nazis, Japanese Military Commanders, Cheer Bob Hope's Death

Last Bob and Bing Flm NOT The Road To Perdition

Photos of Dead Bob Hope Shown On Iranian, North Korean Media

Someone Out There Will Be Making Money Off Eagles Songs For The Next 100 Years

Grating Electro News Theme Runs For One Quarter of Whole Show

White College Guy Advises on Ki

Jar Jar Binks Nearly As Beloved as Ewoks

“The trouble with the French is that they don’t have a word for laissez faire.

Now More Reasons To Hate The French Than Ever

TC and Rick Getting Tired of Doing Favors For Magnum

Cable Subscriber Getting Sick of Seein Ads For Other Cable Shows

Metallica Video Taken Out of Heavy Rotation Too Soon

TV Weatherman Actually Intricate Marionette

Movie Buff Surprised To Learn Actor’s Real Age – Kathy Bates, Steve Martin, Whoopi Goldberg, etc.

Literary Critics Call For Aging Bestseller Author’s Retirement After New Book Fails To Make Bestseller List –

“I’m Really Into Personal Aesthetics”

Shoppers Sick Of Air Supply Already

Air Supply Lives On In The Ears and Minds of Grocery Shoppers

Supporting Actor Referred To As “Star Of…”

Dixie Chicks On Democratic Presidential Ticket – Win Alabama Primary

Don’t Tell Anyone, but… 

Disappointment Guaranteed

Hawker Center Food Tasted Better With Cigarette Ash

US Prepared TO Open Monologue With North Korea Over Nuclear Arms

This Toothbrush Is A Marvel Of Science

America Declared “the Greatest Country in the History of Time/the Universe” on Website

Garbage Placed On Top Of Garbage Can Lid

Bush Jr. Leapfrogs 8 Years As Reagan Jr.’s VP

Canadian Blackout Biggest In American History

Donald Regan’s Alzheimer Fund Growing

Woman Waits For Hurricane To Be Named After Her

Episode 3 To Explain George Lucas’ Obsession with Samurai Films

Head shots of barely legal teens published in high school yearbook

Bitter Check-Out Clerk “Could Have Been An Ad Executive”

Local Teen Thinks Madonna Is A Heavy Metal Band

Only Matthew Broderick Is Left To Save The World!

Blair Denies Singing “I Wanna Sex You Up” To Report

Edutainment is Nontastic!

Billionaire head of state has nothing to hide

Historians Agree Bush Far From Being The Dimmest President

Local Teens Surprised To Learn John Lennon Once in Group With Three Other Guys

New Videos and DVDs that Singapore Doesn’t Want

Public Fails to Embrace New Media-Sponsored “Metrosexual” Demographic

Non-Celebrity Couple’s Relationship Unable To Survive Critical Panning of Home Movie

The Indignant Ang Mo – Singaporeans Are Spoiled With A/C

I found some other funny ones with "literally" and other nonsense.  

The sun literally roasted their skin - golf magazine

Literally staring death in the face - kendo magazine

"I literally fell apart." Rod Stewart

“These are the same men I resented in the beginning of my relationship with Bird because they would literally stare daggers, and in some cases, scream obscenities.”  FHM September 2003 p. 49

“You must literally follow the phrase Break out of the box.”  MegaCreativity by Andrei G. Alinikov

Applicants to this position must be willing to work 24/7

The ideal candidate’s English must be second to none

Other issues of Head Cheese:

Head Cheese 1 .
Head Cheese 2 .
Head Cheese 3 .
Head Cheese 4 .
Head Cheese 5 .
Head Cheese 6 .
Head Cheese 7 .
Head Cheese 8 .
Head Cheese 9 .
Head Cheese  10

Return to Home Page:

email: Peter Hoflich created April 30th, 2003